At what point does life get easier?
I’m about ready to throw in the towel.
This is meant to be the happiest time of my life, yet it isn’t. No matter what I do, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
Jewin-Alexis is almost 2 months old and I can’t stand to be around her. When she isn’t screaming her lungs out, she is vomiting all over me, Millie or herself. I didn’t realise being a dad was meant to be this hard! My hat goes off to Amelia for putting up with my princess 24/7.
Things aren’t any better for me and Amelia; I leave her around a month ago for good. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, what a fucking deadbeat asshole. Leaving the mother of his child... I wish things weren’t so complicated! Leaving Amelia is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. I’ll always love her but I just couldn’t continue to be unhappy, I wish I knew what I wanted from a relationship. She was perfect in every way but it still wasn’t enough, Left me wanting more. I know she deserves better than I could ever offer or give her, I just hope she realises that and gets what she truly deserves.
Showed up to school today for the first time ever on time to be informed I was no longer enrolled in my course due to getting behind in my work. What the fuck! Do they know how hard it is to balance work, full time study and having a child on top of being ill? I’ve been attending class for the past 2 weeks with both ear and chest infections as well as my knee which I dislocated earlier in the year playing up on me. I’m sorry that I put my daughter, my ex’s post natal depression and working to pay the bills so I have a roof over my head before school. I’m sure a lot of people would understand.
Put on a show on the weekend, with 2 bands I really enjoy but one band left a sour taste in my mouth and may have ruined my relationship with the venue in which I use a lot. I’m over doing shows, for all the work and bullshit that goes into it... the reward is no longer worth it. I’ve been over going to concerts and putting them on for a long time but I was hoping it was just a faze I was going through but now I’m doubtful.
I can't handle the pressure anymore of everyone knowing me or being judged upon every little thing I say or do.
Right now I honestly wish I knew why I existed? Is there a purpose to all this? Is this karma for something I’ve previously done?
I honestly wish I had friends at the moment who I could hang with or talk to or something just to cheer me up, but most of the people who I consider friends just make me angry of late and make me want to isolate myself further from everyone and everything.
At some point, I’ll wake up and know exactly what I want from life and want to do with mine. I just wish that day would come really fucking soon.
I’m about ready to throw in the towel.
This is meant to be the happiest time of my life, yet it isn’t. No matter what I do, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth
Jewin-Alexis is almost 2 months old and I can’t stand to be around her. When she isn’t screaming her lungs out, she is vomiting all over me, Millie or herself. I didn’t realise being a dad was meant to be this hard! My hat goes off to Amelia for putting up with my princess 24/7.
Things aren’t any better for me and Amelia; I leave her around a month ago for good. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, what a fucking deadbeat asshole. Leaving the mother of his child... I wish things weren’t so complicated! Leaving Amelia is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done. I’ll always love her but I just couldn’t continue to be unhappy, I wish I knew what I wanted from a relationship. She was perfect in every way but it still wasn’t enough, Left me wanting more. I know she deserves better than I could ever offer or give her, I just hope she realises that and gets what she truly deserves.
Showed up to school today for the first time ever on time to be informed I was no longer enrolled in my course due to getting behind in my work. What the fuck! Do they know how hard it is to balance work, full time study and having a child on top of being ill? I’ve been attending class for the past 2 weeks with both ear and chest infections as well as my knee which I dislocated earlier in the year playing up on me. I’m sorry that I put my daughter, my ex’s post natal depression and working to pay the bills so I have a roof over my head before school. I’m sure a lot of people would understand.
Put on a show on the weekend, with 2 bands I really enjoy but one band left a sour taste in my mouth and may have ruined my relationship with the venue in which I use a lot. I’m over doing shows, for all the work and bullshit that goes into it... the reward is no longer worth it. I’ve been over going to concerts and putting them on for a long time but I was hoping it was just a faze I was going through but now I’m doubtful.
I can't handle the pressure anymore of everyone knowing me or being judged upon every little thing I say or do.
Right now I honestly wish I knew why I existed? Is there a purpose to all this? Is this karma for something I’ve previously done?
I honestly wish I had friends at the moment who I could hang with or talk to or something just to cheer me up, but most of the people who I consider friends just make me angry of late and make me want to isolate myself further from everyone and everything.
At some point, I’ll wake up and know exactly what I want from life and want to do with mine. I just wish that day would come really fucking soon.
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