so it's come to this...

Lately I’ve wanted to vent a lot of things, so I thought why not start a blog. Everyone else is doing it lately, so why not poor old eggy (by the way, grown to hate this nickname… trying to get rid of it)?

Last week I turned 24, and I’ve started to question a lot of things. Where is my life heading? Where do I see myself in 5 years? Will I ever marry? Will I ever own a home? If so how am I ever going to afford it etc. and that is stressing me out something shocking. Until now I haven’t really had a worry in the world or thought about these types of things but now everyone is asking the questions and putting these pressures on me.

I ask myself, in the world that we live in today, are these things still as important to us as they were 20 or 30 years ago to our parents?

I know I have a child almost here (something I never planned by the way, sort of just happened) and a girlfriend who is pressuring me to put a ring on her finger but the more I think of it, I just don’t see myself being that person, don’t get me wrong I love Amelia and want to spend my life with her but I don’t ever see myself being married. I always said when I was 15-18 I wouldn’t never consider marrying or having children until I was at least 25 and be dead by the age of 29 (I’m bound to inherit my family’s heart problems curse) but I also said I would move to Melbourne the first chance I got and would get drunk or stoned everyday so what has changed between then and now? Have my morals and the way I view life? How could I have wanted those things then but not now? I think it comes down to the fact I still feel 16 most of the time, is that such a bad thing? I realize how it must look at times but if I’m happy, isn’t that the only thing that matters?

I ask myself on a daily basis, what do I want to do with my life? I have tried so many things and have never been happy. Working doesn’t bother me at all, I have always just thought of it as money but finding a job is the problem. I’m currently studying Graphic Design, I’m really enjoying it once I figure most of the stuff out but it’s finding the motivation to get up every morning and go into town that I’m finding hard of late. I hate everyone in the class, the one friend I had moved away (fuck you Scott!) and everyone else is generally shit. I must admit I haven’t made an effort at all to make friends though. I just relate with them and their bad habits (I hate smokers!) plus is it that hard to not talk about WOW (it ruins lives!) and wear deodorant? I’ve been told a lot I should take the photography thing seriously and maybe give it a try as a career. Aren’t there already enough good photographers in Launceston already? And like 53433872475375247 other people who consider themselves photographers? Every second cunt has a photography myspace or deviantart/flickr account these days. I feel bad saying this but I rarely ever see a photo I like or one I think stands up against my own, I’m always picking faults with any photo I see, is it so hard for the photo to actually be in focus? I still can’t believe a certain someone I won’t name for their sake told me I wasn’t a serious photographer and only some people like my photos, for fuck sake! The band she loves and has the only photo I’ve ever seen of hers on their myspace has 14 live shots on there also, 11 are mine. Alright for a band who hate my guts and call me an arrogant cunt whenever they have the chance.

Talking about the scene, I’m over it! It needs fresh blood! The kids just don’t give a fuck anymore or maybe it’s just me. I need new challenges! I’m over doing shows, that’s why my big one in August is my last I’ll be putting on. 2 years ago I set myself a goal of bringing down a certain band and when I announce the tour in 2 weeks, a long time dream will be fulfilled. My next goal is starting a label and releasing a cd or two, I already have a name and am in the process of releasing a local bands demo. Recording begins in late June, the artwork and everything else is organized so it should be out by late July, look out for it! I think I’ve officially been ran out of Hardcore on the mainland, bloody message board politics! Last year I was accused of leaking Horizons, the new Parkway Drive album. Fuck knows where this bullshit came from but someone just won’t let up with it, I sit here and think, if Graham Nixon owner of Resist Records and basically god of the Australian hardcore scene believed I leaked his biggest release date would he be currently working with me on this big show I’m doing in August. Lately I have been communicating with him daily about the show.

My friends or lack there of them has been a concern lately as well; do I actually have any friends? I know I have 1 or 2 I see regularly but I have a lot of people I just can’t be bothered with. Is it such a bad thing to prefer to be alone a lot of the time? I just find I get annoyed with people too easily and have nothing in common, is it too much to ask for one person to be siked on the same bands as me? I’m a pretty boring person and enjoy simple things which a lot of people just don’t get. Maybe I’m just not genuine enough, that seems to be a very popular term being thrown around at the moment. What makes a person ‘genuine’? I’m honest and as down to earth as anyone can get I believe, I tell people how it is and don’t care about the consequences. Recently I have ended a friendship that has been an important part of my life since I can remember, I miss having this person around or just being able to talk to them but I grew to hate them. As they’re got older their maturely level seems to have gone down, and I just can’t put up with it anymore. What sort of person lies anyway about being in a relationship? Or about being at home in bed when you clearly seen them and their new partner out in the town.

Anyway I’m going to end this dribble now, going to watch some Boston Legal (my current love). Excited for tomorrow, new Indiana Jones! Going to see it @ 12:15pm.

I also wanted to post this, check out my good friend Daniel’s band demo, they're called ‘Sound Surrender’ and are from Devonport, Tasmania. This demo has made my night, may not be the best recording but the songs are great! Check them out over @ www.myspace.com/soundasurrender or download their demo here.

tracklisting is as follows...

1. Intro

2. Slaves

3. No Regrets

4. I Got Game

5. What's Right!

6. Broken